April 23, 2011


I'm starting to feel guilty for wanting this poor bird to rebuild. Three days in a row the wind and rain have taken out her creation, yet she keeps coming back to fix the damage and add more. It was completely gone yesterday and we even swept the remnants off the front porch assuming she would give up, but she has been back at it all morning. This is the farthest she has gotten and the wind is picking up again as I type. Poor, dumb bird. I think she might be a first timer.

Part of me wants her to succeed. She has obviously got her heart set on sharing our view and coveted spot right on the bus stop, but I just don't see how a nest is going to stay balanced in that light even if the wind does let up and allow her to continue to make progress. I yelled at 8yr-old-boy when he came back for the third time in the 10 minutes since he had gone out to play that he can't keep using the front door if we want the bird to have any chance of getting a good structure laid. Yea, I might be a little to wrapped up in Momma Bird's project.

And what if she does manage to build something that will withstand that precarious building spot and the elements? Are we going to be under constant attack once she lays her eggs just trying to use the front door? Even worse, it seems the chances of a bird flying into the house when we do open the door are drastically increased. Guess if she doesn't give up and actually pulls it off, the least I can do is enforce a "through the garage" directive and restrict use of the front door until all babies have flown the coop... so to speak.

April 18, 2011

Because I am Worth It!

I have been having a rough couple of weeks. The whole family has really. We spent five fantastic days over Spring Break in Wisconsin Dells where we had tons of water park fun, stayed in a beautiful condo, kept late hours, and slept in past 10:00am almost every day. It was bliss. Unfortunately, we couldn't make Wilderness Resort our permanent residence and we've all been struggling to get back into the swing of everyday, real life since we got back.

Spring sports have started up for the older two kids, they returned to testing at school, AWANA has ended for the year which is a very sad thing for all of them, and the weather has been taunting us... one day it is 70* then, a few days later, I'm digging in the crawlspace for the winter clothes that I found the motivation to switch out the week before. Everything seems to be one step forward, two steps back and I am just worn out.

I've turned to some old friends to help me through resulting in a 7 pound weight gain since we got home from vacation (I had actually lost weight while we were gone). The booze and binging haven't quite rounded out my self prescribed solution so I've been indulging in some retail therapy as well. I've spent the last hour online shopping for a Coach handbag. I haven't found one that I'm willing to fork over hundreds of dollars for yet but, if I do, I will... because I am worth it!

I have spent a significant amount of time over the years scoffing at women who spend money on pricey, designer items. "Why would anyone spend $400 on a purse? My $15 Walmart bag is just fine." "She spent how much on her wedding gown/prom dress/daughter's Easter outfit? That's just ridiculous. I bet their credit cards are totally maxed out." I think I have figured out why this sort of spending bothers me even though it has no baring on my life what so ever. It is because, throughout my life, I have not been made to feel or believe that I, too, am worthy of such things. I've always known that it wasn't the *things* that I was jealous of, but now I see it was the mindset that I coveted.

My father raised me to be practical about every decision in life which didn't lend well to following many of my dreams, but I managed to fulfill a few including marrying an even more practical man (Starting to understand the title of this blog?). I get why it is smart to save your pennies, live within your means, minimize your debt, and I would never condone spending $400 on that purse instead of paying your rent or buying groceries for your babies, but I've also come to realize that there is a point to the occasional extravagance beyond the quality of an item or the vanity or wastefulness of the purchaser. The belief that you are *worth* such a purchase is something that I have never known, it's the part I've never understood and, if I don't understand something, it bothers me.

So I have decided it is time that I stop waiting for someone else to gift me with the validation that I crave and I am going to buy myself something nice. Really nice, actually. Not only have I been shopping designer handbags, but I am also thinking of making an appointment at a local jeweler to see about having a custom piece made with the kids' birthstones. Whatever I decide on, it will be something that I purchase simply because I want it... not because it benefits someone else and not because it was deemed appropriate or necessary. I am tired of feeling like the only value I hold is that of a thrift store bargain. If a stupid purse or piece of jewelry is going to help me feel that I am worth more than the rollback discount, so be it.

April 15, 2011

The Buffer

It has been requested that I write a new post. It is not for a lack of things to say or, more accurately, bitch about that I have been MIA (because, Lord knows, I am a rambling machine with a wealth of annoyance). This always happens when my last post was sad or depressing and... raw. It is hard for me to bounce back from one of those. Usually, I try to mask my bipolar tendencies and the roller coaster ride that I call my life. To jump right back in with a post about our fabulous Spring Break trip seemed like it would showcase those idiosyncrasies rather than hide them. And it made me feel like I was painting myself as both depressing and cranky if I wrote about any one of the infinite number of idiots surrounding me rather than write the happy family post.

I like to write, to entertain, to amuse. But, in order to do so, I have to ignore the fact that I am displaying my inner workings... the good, the bad, and the incredibly snarky. When I write something from the gut that highlights the flaws and the chaos inside my head and heart, I tend to curl up in a corner and lay low for awhile until I can compose myself again. I truly envision myself as the monster behind the mask. I see a post like my last one as me removing the mask and letting the monster that lives behind out to have her say for a moment before I hide her back away and press on.

Anyway, this explanation of my absence is meant as a sort of buffer. To be read as: We now return to our regularly scheduled programming. I hope in the coming weeks to write about where we have been, what we've been doing, and what lays ahead. It has been a kind of whirlwind of birthdays and vacationing and spring sports which has definitely eaten into the actual time I have had for blogging, but I seem to have found my footing again and the family has settled back into a rhythm (for now). So stay tuned, there is definitely more to come...