January 29, 2011

It's Been Four Weeks

Four weeks ago today, I decided to change my horrible relationship with food. I'm not sure I've conquered the addiction as of yet; that will probably be a struggle for the rest of my life. There is, however, a good chance that I have a new addiction on the other end of the food obsession spectrum. I am addicted to playing the "game" of staying within my allotted calories while trying to maintain the proper carb/protein/fat ratios for the day.

This new addiction has driven me to do some crazy things. Like actually measuring out a serving of ice cream instead of just eating out of the carton and wondering where it all went 30 minutes later. Or the fact that I find myself cooking two meals in *one* evening... one for Husband and the kids and one for me. I loathe cooking. Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty good cook. I just find no satisfaction in doing it. I think it's some bizarre manifestation of my terrible food habits. The things that I like to eat, the kids hate. So I end up cooking crap which just makes me feel like crap from eating it and for feeding garbage to my kids... constantly.

Through discovering how piss poor my own diet actually was (Did I ever eat any protein before this?), I have begun to make small changes in what my kids eat. I'm more conscious of making sure that every meal contains a source of protein served along side either a fruit or veggie. I feel better knowing that they are eating just a little bit better and that it's not all carbs all the time. I don't want them to grow up with the same weight/food struggles that I have battled all of my life.

The kids realize that most nights I eat different meals than they do. Sometimes they'll have a side of mac & cheese while I eat black beans, other nights our meals are completely different... last night I made them chicken parmesan with whole wheat pasta while I ate red potatoes with ground beef and salsa... and they get it. They understand that mom is "trying to get healthy". I have stressed the healthy part because I don't want them to obsess about their weight (or my weight) and I simply refuse to let the word "fat" become part of our everyday vocabulary just like the word "stupid" is a bad word in our house.

Anyway, these baby steps are making an impact not only on my life, but the lives of my whole family. My kids are eating healthier and are witnessing my efforts to overcome my food issues. I hope that, as time goes on, they will want to incorporate more of my new diet into their own... or that I will find the courage to implement the changes for them. It is already making a difference in my life. I weighed in this morning and I have lost another 3.5 pounds this week. That makes my total weight loss 21 pounds in four weeks. I have also shaved 3.7 off my BMI since the first of the year.

I feel good, I feel strong. I feel like I can do this not just short term, but for the long haul. I am sick and tired of yo-yoing 60+ pounds every couple of years. I am hoping that this can be a permanent change and that I have the same success that I did with last year's resolution to quit smoking. I recently reached the six month mark on that one and I honestly never thought I would kick that addiction. I guess anything is possible.

January 24, 2011


I am the type of person that is ruled, plagued, and defined by my guilt. At any given moment, there is something or someone somewhere that I feel I have let down or failed. I don't know why I am like this or what made me this way, but it is my greatest character flaw... or maybe the source of all my other flaws. No surprise, the number one guilt inducer in my life is my family.

I'll get to my immediate family in a moment... namely Husband since my guilt with the kids is typical mommy stuff. Right now, I want to focus on those other people that fall under the definition of "family". I am not a very good daughter. My parents weren't very good parents once they divorced and they are terrible, uninvolved grandparents. So let's just say I'm returning the favor. I still feel bad about my lack of interest in a relationship with either of them.

I have three siblings counting my two step-brothers. My sister and I have been battling it out ever since her birth just a short 22 months after my own appearance in the world. After nearly 30 years of the constant bickering in our on-again off-again relationship, I gave up. I have no desire to try and salvage something that has always been broken.

I used to be close with the youngest of my two older step-brothers. He actually walked me down the aisle at my wedding because I felt *guilty* asking my step-dad despite the fact that I did not want my dad giving me away. Then we had kids and our parenting styles were so opposite that we didn't know how to bridge the gap and didn't really care to be around the other's parenting (or lack there of) anymore. I don't know why I have such a low tolerance for people and I feel bad that I don't even want to try to fake it.

My in-laws are pretty OK. It has taken me over a decade to get to the point where I can say this honestly but Husband's family, for better or worse, are the only people besides my eldest step-brother and his family who consistently make an effort. I was not what MIL had in mind when she dreamed of her baby marrying someday, but she's no picnic either. We've learned to make the best of it for everyone else involved. Which brings me to Husband.

I love the man despite the fact that our marriage has exponentially increased my craziness. Husband is the type of person who constantly needs to be told what to do... and reminded five times so he doesn't forget... in every situation. He makes me cry then *I* have to tell him how to make me feel better which just ruins it because I had to tell him what to do. If I ask (or bark), he usually will help with whatever I need... unless he forgets first. I feel bad that I nag him the way that I do and that I use him to vent all of my frustrations. Even the ones that have nothing to do with him. Sometimes I just need someone to make whatever it is better without having to explain how to accomplish making that happen. A big part of our (my) problem is that I don't ask for the help that I need because I feel *guilty* doing so. He works, I stay home. I feel bad, like I'm not holding up my part of the bargain, if I ask him to help out more around the house.

I bit the bullet today and asked him to delay his workout to help me clean and, something magical happened, the house got cleaned and I didn't feel guilty! Poor Husband doesn't realize that the bathrooms are officially his domain from now on. I came to a very important conclusion after all of the cleaning supplies were stashed away again and he had left for the gym. I DO NOT NEED TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THIS. I support his job by caring for our kids while he is at work. I then get the benefit of shopping with his paycheck. In turn, he can support me in running this household by helping with the cleaning. He will then reap the benefit of not living in a pit. :)

All of the other chores are pretty evenly divided between the two of us. It was just in this one area... work vs. household... that things weren't right. I resented cleaning since, in all honesty, I do not make the majority of the mess. Today was exactly what I needed even if I did have to spell it out to Husband. He postponed something that he wanted to do so that he could help me with something that I really didn't want to do. It took some of the burden off of me and it made everything else that much easier to bare since I now carry a slightly smaller load... less guilt and fewer household tasks.

January 23, 2011

Ups & Downs

Friday and Saturday were just emotionally bad days. I was crabby and feeling sorry for my fat self and being a spoiled sport in general. Today has been a really good day, which I desperately needed, and it has gone a long way towards lifting my spirits. Yesterday, I went on and on about how I want to be able to *do* things with my kids. Well, I stopped throwing myself a pity-party long enough to do exactly that this afternoon.

My neighbor friend asked if the kids and I wanted to join her and her son at a local roller skating rink for open skate today after church. I really did want to go since it sounded like so much fun but, of course, I grappled with all of the inner turmoil of "can I *do* this?". I hadn't attempted to skate in probably 20+ years and I wasn't very good at staying up then either. I sucked it up and agreed to go. I'm tired of passing up opportunities because I'm afraid. If I assume I can't, I will never know that I can. That's what I tell my kids anyway. What's the worst that could happen... I fall? Well, maybe all of this extra padding will be good for something.

So the older two kids and I went skating, and I did fall. Pretty hard actually, but my daughter was the only witness so it wasn't too terribly embarrassing. And you know what? My daughter found the courage to let go and skate on her own after that. I'd like to think that seeing me fall and get back up inspired her. My neighbor, on the other hand, decided that my daughter let go because she was afraid that I would take her down with me the next time. I have such wonderfully supportive friends. ;)

The point, regardless of the true motivation behind my daughter's success, is that we all got out there and gave it our best. I was up and skating for close to two hours. I was sweaty and more than a little sore when all was said and done. Not sore from wiping out, sore from the exertion. I didn't lose my breath at all, was never in need of my inhaler. When I got home, I decided to look online to see how many calories roller skating actually burns. I was shocked. Given my size and age, I burned roughly 1000 calories! I found a bunch of sites that all confirmed that I burned at least 1000 calories.

I'm so glad that my neighbor friend and I talked about trying to make this a regular outing for all of us. I just wanted to keep going because I had so much fun and the kids had a blast. Now I have the added incentive of knowing that I have actually found a fun workout. I didn't know there was such a thing! I am super pumped and I've regained my focus and motivation. Husband was even jealous of my workout (MY WORKOUT!!!) and said that he needs to start skating, too. This could become a real obsession. Maybe I can celebrate my first weight-loss goal with a pair of my very own roller skates... sparkly wheels and all!

January 22, 2011

Week 3 Weigh-In

I lost another 2.5 pounds this week bringing my three week total to 17.5 pounds. My original goal for the month was 18 pounds but, since I have over a week left of January, I think I'm going to shoot for an even twenty. I'm also going to try my damnedest to drag my ass to the gym with Husband on Monday. He has lost 12 pounds so far this year and has already met is monthly goal. His results are motivating me to add the exercise I know I need as I have spent the last 3 weeks counting and weighing everything I eat while he has pretty much eaten anything he wants and just burned it off on the treadmill. To be fair, I have noticed him eating less carbs.

Secretly, I hate that Husband is losing weight. I am super happy for him and proud of his accomplishments thus far, but it does add some pressure on me. Are my efforts measuring up? Is his way better? I am also confronted with the guilt of "I should be going, too." every time he heads out the door to workout. Why doesn't he share the guilt as he shovels in bratwursts while I'm measuring out my sliver of cheese for the evening?

Bottom line, it's all fun and games when I'm playing the numbers game with myself but, add in the competition, and I become obsessed with the fact that I simply cannot hold my own against him. Despite being out of shape, he is and always has been an athlete. I have always been a lazy couch potato. As a kid, he played soccer and baseball. I was a Girl Scout who probably ate more cookies than I ever sold.

I had a minor meltdown the other night when Husband told me that he burned almost 700 calories running on the treadmill at the gym. I can't run. At all. I get myself to a fast walk and I'm huffing and puffing. I thought quitting smoking would greatly improve this, but it hasn't and that frustrates me to tears. I quit smoking so I could be healthier...as in walk and climb and jog without having to use an inhaler in order to catch my breath. Instead, I gained 25 pounds and still can't intensify my workouts because I end up choking and gasping and feeling like a total loser.

I hear so many people say that their workouts are "empowering". I venture to guess that Husband is one of these people. I am not. I want to be, but I'm starting to feel that it is physically impossible. I always feel like a big *fat* failure doing my stupid 2.8 on the treadmill, wheezing all the way. I hate the gym. I hate working out. I hate feeling like I will never succeed at something I want so badly... to be physically fit, to just walk out the door on any adventure and not worry about the limitations of my body.

At this point, I would totally give up the dream of wearing cute, fashionable clothes in a *normal* size and agree to live the rest of my life in a 200 pound body that didn't physically inhibit me. I've been fat for so long that I've gotten used to coping with the self-image crap. What I cannot accept is the inability to do the things that my family wants to do. Maybe that's what frustrates me the most, knowing that right now I have two choices... I can either hold them back or remove myself from their adventures... and both options suck.

January 20, 2011

Day 20: New Toy

My new kitchen scale came today! I have been using an ancient kitchen scale for the past few weeks and, as suspected, I confirmed tonight that it has not been taking accurate measurements. I've been eating more than I thought (about .75 ounces more per weighed item) which means using the new scale should help me achieve better results.

I pulled a no-no this morning and didn't eat breakfast. 3yr-old-boy and I had places to go and things to do... OK, are super cool adventure was just grocery shopping at the Walmart, but we needed to get it done so off we went with no breakfast for Mom. I wasn't all that hungry anyway. I think my digestive system might have still been in shock from all of that ice cream last night. Here are my lunch and dinner details for today...

Lunch: boneless/skinless chicken breast, fresh pineapple, all-natural pepper-jack cheese, peach & pineapple chipotle salsa

Dinner: whole wheat spaghetti, all-natural mushroom & green pepper sauce, 96% lean ground beef, grated all-natural mozzarella cheese

I couldn't find the almond Green & Black's chocolate bars today so I decided to try a different kind. My Weight Watcher friends need to take note that the NewTree chocolate bars, along with being all-natural, are high in fiber (7g per serving). These babies are soooo good; which they need to be to make them worth the $4 they cost per bar. This is why I have always gorged on things like Reese's cups and Snickers... because they are cheap and you can buy lots of them! I spent $16 on four chocolate bars today. It's a good thing that I'm tracking what I eat and they will actually last awhile.

Daily Totals (including half of the NewTree chocolate bar): 1235 calories, 40% carbs (124g), 31% fat (42g), 29% protein (89g). I learned today that the Tap&Track app that I use on my ipod adjusts the maximum calorie intake based on your weight and goals. I had mine set for losing two pounds per week and I noticed, because I have lost weight, that the program automatically decreased the amount of calories I am allowed per day. I thought it was a nifty little feature. Anything that automatically updates wins my approval as it is one less thing I need to remember to do.

January 19, 2011

Day 19: Dinner = Ice Cream

Ice Cream = Dinner = Try Again... Tomorrow. I finally tried the Tin Roof Sundae and now it is gone. I made the mistake of thinking I could eat out of the carton and restrain myself. HaHaHa. So we will now be done with diet talk for the day because I totally screwed the pooch as far as calories and everything else. Perhaps tomorrow I will share the photos of the wonderfully healthy breakfast and lunch that I destroyed with frozen goodness just a few minutes ago.

Next subject...

I know in the last few weeks that this blog has become almost entirely about my weight-loss and eating habits, but really it is more than that. I like to talk about my family and what we're up to and my lovely little children that every so often become possessed by greedy, rude, insufferable entities. These are also the moments in our family's life that Husband and I start reevaluating our parenting because we just *have* to be doing something wrong for them to be acting so terribly.

Then we realize, nope, not us... they are just rotten little ingrates. OK, to be fair, we have not figured out the right way to teach them how much they actually have and how lucky they are. All of the kids they know have the same lifestyle, if not *better* with more stuff. I am constantly repeating to them that they need to be grateful and appreciate what they have and are given. They continually look at me with those glazed over expressions waiting for me to release them from kiddie hell. They simply do not get it.

A few weeks back, I was ranting on Facebook (yes, I know I spend way too much time there. Thank-You-Very-Much.) with some other moms about the ungratefuls that we are raising. It made me feel so much better knowing that I am not the only one trying to get it right and still somehow falling short. Since it was clear that a lot of parents are struggling with the same spoiled attitudes, I decided to start poking around the Internet to see if I could find any helpful advice. I stumbled across these:

They are personalized Gratitude Journals for kids. Click on the above photo and it will take you to the website where I created/ordered these. Just a warning, you will have to register to see their products. Inside these journals, are prompts for the kids to fill out the things they are grateful for on a daily basis from Monday through Friday. I'm hoping we can do them with homework or maybe even as part of a bedtime routine. I've been meaning to incorporate bedtime prayers for awhile so maybe this can be part of that, too. Fill out the journals and then say our prayers thanking God for the things that they listed for that day's entry.

I don't know if these will help at all, but it's something. And I need to feel like I'm doing everything I can to teach my children to be grateful beyond issuing the empty "thank you's" that they have been prompted to regurgitate on command. Maybe I'm expecting to much, but I want my kids to truly appreciate all of the blessings in their lives. I know in time that these lessons will take root. For now, I need to keep on them and have faith that the "aha!" moment, when they finally get it, isn't too far away.

January 18, 2011

Day 18: Still on Board

I forgot to take a photo of my lunch today as I was wiped out from helping with 3yr-old-boy's preschool class this morning. I ate lunch meat, an ounce of cheese, what was left of the wonderful organic chocolate, and then passed out on the couch for two hours while Husband took the youngest to daycare at the gym while he worked out. I still have yet to make it there this year. *hangs head in shame*

On a related note, Husband told me that he has dropped 7% of his body fat percentage over the last few months. I am super proud of him and just wanted to acknowledge his accomplishment. Right now, I'm the dieter and he's the workout guy. I think, sooner or later, we're going to have to meet in the middle of the two. He cooked an all natural dinner tonight without even realizing it. The kids were less than enthused, but they managed to pick through it and fill their bellies. Baby steps. Itty, bitty baby steps.

I have a bunch of photos in my ipod from days like today where I took one or two meal photos (mostly breakfasts), but spaced the other meals of the day. That's been happening a lot lately which is why I have been so inconsistent with posting totals and pics. So here are the random meal photos from the past few days:

all-natural vanilla yogurt w/ grape nuts cereal, an orange
drizzled w/ honey & almonds all-natural vanilla yogurt w/ grape nuts cereal, an orange,
colby-jack cheese, tea w/ honey
oatmeal w/ walnuts & honey, an orange

turkey lunch meat, pepper jack cheese, pumpernickel bread,
shredded lettuce
(this sandwich was so good, I had it for lunch 2 days in a row)

red potatoes, 96% lean ground beef, black bean & white corn salsa

Daily Totals: 1215 calories, 45% carbs (137g), 29% fat (40g), 26% protein (77g). I have a couple of other 'recipes' that I am going to try this week. I found them in a magazine while waiting in the dentist office yesterday. Today's breakfast with the honey & almond orange was from that article. I think it was in an issue of People. Anyway, the orange was delicious this morning and I'm looking forward to trying the grilled banana drizzled with maple syrup. Maybe for tomorrow if I'm in the mood to drag the Foreman grill out. We'll see...

January 17, 2011

I lied.

It's Monday and I am not going to post food photos because I forgot to take them. I am also not going to post my daily totals because I am too tired. So I will just tell you that I did well today and stayed within all of my ranges.

I did find out that I get really, really friggin' crabby when I don't eat enough calories... could have been the lack of protein, too. I ate 10oz of 96% lean ground beef with dinner just to get those levels where they needed to be. Let me just tell you, I was a completely different person after a feeding.

Well, it has been a very long day and Husband just started the Netflix movie without me. Guess he's tired, too, and wants to get a move on so we can get to bed at a decent time. I'll try to snap some food shots tomorrow. G'night all!

January 15, 2011

New Discoveries

I will try to get back to the photo posting of my meals on Monday. I am still doing well with my totals. I always feel when I don't report my daily numbers for a few days that I must give reassurance that I haven't been hiding in my closet with the Girl Scout cookies (again). Today marked two weeks since I got serious about kicking my food addiction. I celebrated with a weigh-in (Oh, joy.) and of course it didn't come anywhere near last weeks 12 pounds, but I did lose another three pounds bringing my total loss to 15 pounds. In just two weeks!

I have discovered some new foods this week that are quickly becoming my new *healthier* friends. They join ranks with the blueberry-pomegranate ice cream that I told you about last week (I still haven't tried the Tin Roof Sundae). Meet my new favorite indulgence: Green & Black's organic chocolate bars. So yummy. Remember, my number one goal is to cut out processed food and remove additives from my diet. That means organic chocolate is allowed. Isn't getting healthy wonderful?

I have also switched to Hormel's Natural Choice lunch meats. I always buy (and consume) the pre-sliced lunch meats from the Walmart deli. Well, the last time I was grocery shopping, I asked the deli clerk to read me the ingredients in the meats I normally buy. It was pretty interesting listening to her attempt to pronounce some of the preservatives that every single one of my "usuals" contained. I'm sure she was thinking something along the lines of, "I am not paid enough for this crap."

Remember that tiny shot of Starbuck's goodness that I allowed myself a few days ago? I was complaining on Facebook about the miniature stature of said beverage and my good friend, Elisa, gave me a suggestion that I can't wait to try (probably after the organic chocolate is all gone). Instead of a short, nonfat Caramel Macchiato (100 calories, 17g carbs, 1g fat, 6g protein), she suggests I try a grande... that's two sizes larger folks... Skinny Caramel Latte (130 calories, 19g carbs, 0g fat, 12g protein). If I wanted to, I could even order a tall which is one size up from the short. A tall Skinny Latte has ten less calories than the short Macchiato. ***Side Note: Elisa is back on the Weight Watchers wagon so I wanted to congratulate her and encourage her to stick with it (and to send me anymore not-really-cheating suggestions that I can share).***

I was so stunned by the size of my $3.48 Starbucks purchase that I took a picture of it! My thumb is more than half the height of that cup. I honestly felt like I was doing an espresso shot or something. I am looking forward to the feel of that tall... OK, grande... in my hand the next time I treat myself to something other than ice cream or chocolate.

January 14, 2011

Added Insentive

It has been a rough few months. I've been tired, moody, and just can't seem to get my sh*t together. Today I did something that has brightened my mood, will give me something to look forward to, and help keep me motivated with the healthy life style change... I booked a cruise!

Husband and I will be celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary next year. We had talked about and planned a trip to Scotland and England. We were the only ones that seemed to think this was a good idea. Everyone else (except my bestie) kind of looked at us like we were nuts and we ended up explaining our decision to death. It kind of ruined the excitement.

Well, in this wonderful world of Tivo and DVRs, I don't get the chance to watch many commercials anymore. In a moment of delayed fast forwarding, I caught a Disney Cruise commercial and that was it. I was sold. For the same price that it would have cost Husband and I to go to Europe, we can take the whole family to the Bahamas on a five night Disney Cruise. This is something we have always wanted to do but, honestly, probably never would have done because we couldn't justify it. What better reason to go than to celebrate our tenth anniversary with the beautiful babies that are union has created?

The best part is that the ship and the beaches have activities for the kids where you just drop them off then go on your merry way to enjoy the adult beach, restaurants, pool, spa, ect. So we will have time alone as a couple while the kids enjoy all things Disney. Plus, they give you a pager so if your kid needs you, they can let you know. I won't be all neurotic about leaving them knowing I'm just a *beep* away.

I am so looking forward to sleeping with the veranda doors open, snuggled with Husband, listening to the sounds of the ocean as we cruise along. *HEAVEN* We splurged and got the kids their own connecting room so we won't all be crowding into 300 sq. feet with only one bathroom. I don't think I will ever regret that decision. I love them, but I like my breathing room as well! I'm also hoping we can sneak away for a couple's massage while the kids are enjoying their activities.

Now, we are just crossing our fingers that Husband can get the two days he needs off from work. I think he is pretty confident that he can considering he let me book and make the down payments today. I so needed this. I can already feel the warm ocean breezes clearing out the cobwebs of my psyche. This is going to be the best family vacation/anniversary trip ever!!!

January 12, 2011

Day 12

Really bad day emotionally. Husband and I spent the morning discussing our options with a hard decision that we may be facing. Just when I had decided that I was worn out and my head was going to explode, my (estranged) father called to tell me that a family friend that I have known all of my life passed away this morning. He was 55 years old and a remarkable human being. The man lived more than 30 years beyond his life expectancy (he was born with a genetic disease called cystic fibrosis) and it is pretty unbelievable to me that he is really gone. He was such an inspiration and now the world (and my heart) seems a little emptier in the wake of his passing.

Surprisingly, I resisted the urge to self-medicate with food today. I am an emotional eater though and through. I did *treat* myself to Starbucks, though, which threw my calorie count above where it has been since the first of the year. I was as disciplined as possible ordering the short (do you know how tiny that is compared to a venti?), nonfat, no whip version of my favorite. I feel good about not letting my emotions get the better of me and I'm trying to not beat myself up for going over my calorie goal today.

Breakfast: egg scrambled w/ 96% lean ground beef, black bean & white corn salsa, an orange, oatmeal w/ honey

Lunch: green beans, ground turkey, dried cranberries

Dinner: yellow corn taco shells, ground turkey, taco cheese, black bean & white corn salsa, shredded lettuce, black beans

Daily Totals: 1325 calories (100 calorie caramel macchiato included), 45% carbs (148g), 30% fat (45g), 25% protein (83g). That's it for me tonight. I am spent and my bed is calling my name. Hoping for a better tomorrow...

January 11, 2011

Day 11

Since I posted earlier today, this post is going to be short and to the point. I did want to add that I have been drinking only water since the first of the year except for the times that I listed brewing tea with my breakfast. My big blue water cup made it into today's lunch picture so I thought I would mention it. Alright then, on with the totals...

Breakfast: oatmeal, an orange, all-natural vanilla yogurt, bacon (pork)

Lunch: an egg, black bean & white corn salsa, 96% lean ground beef, black beans

Dinner: boneless/skinless chicken breast, black bean & white corn salsa, black beans, red potatoes

Daily Totals: 1250 calories, 40% carbs (123g), 34% fat (47g), 27% protein (82g). And there was no wiggle room for ice cream today... so sad. Tomorrow is taco night which I am super excited about. I love taco night and I'm anxious to try out the healthier version I've got planned. I'll let you know how things turn out in tomorrow's post.

Weight Watchers

I am a huge proponent of the Weight Watchers program. It has always worked for me even though I suck at it. The reason I say I suck at it is because, despite losing weight successfully while counting points, I tend to eat only packaged foods, stop cooking entirely, and often resort to eating nothing but ice cream, soup, and granola bars. I don't know how to count points for natural foods and recipes made up of multiple foods. Bottom-line, I never made the life-style change.

If it weren't for Weight Watchers, I probably would never have started this all natural diet (I'd also need to be cut out of my barcalounger by now). I know I *can* lose weight, I'm just not happy with the way I've done it in the past and ultimately how I felt eating little more than canned and processed foods. Plus, add the guilt of not cooking for my family because I didn't have the energy to crack open a can for myself and prepare something for them. This time around, I cook two meals most nights or, at the very least, one and a half.

Weight Watchers is so ingrained in my being from years of using it (successfully) and then quitting for whatever reason that I still keep track of my points even though I'm not actually working the program. Every night after I use the Tap & Track app on my ipod all day, I plug my totals into my old WW point calculator. So far, I have been *exactly* on target with my daily totals equaling the points that I should be consuming with Weight Watchers. Just another indicator that I really might be doing something right this time.

January 10, 2011

Day 10

WooHoo! I've made it ten days! I want to give my friend Elisa a big "Thank You" for giving my efforts a shout-out on her Facebook page. It keeps me going knowing I've got my own personal cheerleader out there! That being said, I don't know if I will see an increase in traffic over here (and I'm really wishing I had taken a picture of the awesome all-natural pizza I made this weekend to share with any new visitors), but I just wanted to say, "Hi. I'm Cathy... and I'm a sugar/pasta/grease-aholic who has made a resolution to eat naturally and actually *do* something about my addiction this new year. Now on to today's totals...

Breakfast: all-natural vanilla yogurt, an orange, colby-jack cheese, hard-boiled egg

Lunch: 96% lean ground beef, black bean & white corn salsa, black beans

Dinner: green beans sauteed in butter, 96% lean ground beef, grape nuts cereal

Daily Totals: 1180 calories, 40% carbs (119g), 32% fat (43g), 28% protein (82g). You'll have to trust me that both my lunch and dinner tasted WAY better than they looked... The grape nuts added a nutty, crunchy texture that really livened the whole dish. My totals for the day also reflect the blueberry-pomegranate ice cream I had for dessert tonight. I also have an all-natural Tin Roof sundae (my absolute favorite flavor ice cream ever!) that I need to at least try before Husband eats it all. Gotta love when the man gives me a valid excuse to eat ice cream!

January 9, 2011

Cheesecake? Where have you been all of my life?!?

OK, not really cheesecake. I discovered an unbelievably good ice cream today that I swear tastes just like blueberry cheesecake... Good Value (Walmart's brand) all natural blueberry-pomegranate ice cream. It is to DIE for!

I know I haven't reported my totals or shared my pictures for a few days, but I assure you I haven't fallen off the wagon. We visited family for a couple of days and I brought all of my own food with me despite feeling like a total dork for doing so. I was very proud of myself for sticking to my diet with all of the carry-out pizza and cookies and soda around. Oh, and friggin' cinnamon rolls with icing!

My carb intake was up while we were gone and my protein levels down, but I kept my calorie and fat consumption in check. Saturday morning was supposed to be my weigh-in, but I didn't want to use a *strange* scale so I waited until this morning. Ready for it? T-W-E-L-V-E pounds since January 1st! Let me do the math for you... that was only eight days ago. I cannot begin to express how wonderful this makes me feel. I am simply elated.

I ordered a digital food scale last night off eBay. I have an old kitchen scale that I have no clue where it came from and I'm not sure how accurate the thing is. I don't think it is off in a bad way considering my results so if I get the new scale and start gaining because of it's accuracy, I guess I'll go back to the old one. I paid less than $7 for it on eBay.

Tomorrow I plan to get back to posting my totals and meals. For now, I need to go lock up that ice cream...

January 6, 2011

Day 6

Very productive day = Very tired blogger. This will be short and to the point tonight (for once). I got some great new , all-natural foods at the grocery store tonight that I am excited to integrate into my diet in the coming days. We will be spending half the weekend out of town so I am nervous how that will play out as far as what I eat. I'll report in when we get back.

Breakfast: 2 hard-boiled eggs, fresh pineapple, colby-jack cheese

Lunch: boneless/skinless chicken breast, black bean & white corn salsa, black beans

Dinner: green beans, walnuts, fresh pineapple, boneless/skinless chicken breast

Daily Totals: 1190 calories, 37% carbs (111g), 31% fat (43g), 32% protein (98g).

Holistic Nutrition

The Basics of Holistic Nutrition:

- All food should be organic as much as possible.

- Avoid junk food and processed food.

- No food with additives and preservatives.

- No sugar or caffeine.

- Drink adequate amounts of pure water. Filtered and free of chlorine and other contaminants.

- Avoid microwaves.

- No genetically engineered food.

- Identify hidden food allergies and food sensitivities.

- Address nutritional deficiencies.

- Eat whole foods in their natural state as much as possible.

I came across this on the internet and it sounds a lot like what I am trying to do with my diet; minus the giving up of sugar, caffeine and microwaves (maybe I should buy a water filter with my Christmas monies)!

January 5, 2011

Day 5

I am a creature of habit. It occurred to me today that I might need to state that here. I know that the same foods keep showing up over and over, like chicken breasts and the salsa I use, but that is because I like those foods. I don't tend to vary from things that I like until I am at risk of falling asleep in my plate from boredom. That being said, you will find that today's lunch is much like last night's dinner because it was so yummy that I couldn't wait to make (devour) it again. My point is, you will probably get bored with my food rotation way before I do.

Breakfast: egg scrambled with butter & black bean/white corn salsa, black beans, tea & honey

Lunch: green beans sauteed in butter, boneless/skinless chicken breast, dried cranberries

Dinner: grilled beef round steak, whole-wheat spaghetti, mushroom & green pepper spaghetti sauce

Daily Totals: 1280 calories, 42% carbs (134g), 28% fat (41g), 30% protein (97g). Again, the red meat really helps me reach my protein goal for the day. Tomorrow is the big grocery shop and I am hoping to find a few more sources of protein that aren't too high in fat. Suggestions welcome.

January 4, 2011

Day 4: Totals

Wow. The oatmeal this morning was f-a-b-u-l-o-u-s, but I had to watch my carbs like a hawk the rest of the day and I still ended up a little over. All in all, a good day and I am not craving too badly or exhausted like I am when I cut calories and eat nothing but crap.

Breakfast: oatmeal w/ honey & raisins

Lunch: boneless/skinless chicken breast w/ green pepper & mushroom spaghetti sauce

Dinner: (This was amazingly good!!!) green beans sauteed in butter, boneless/skinless chicken breast, an orange, walnuts

Husband said that my dinner got an "8" for presentation... no matter what it tasted like ( he cooked something else for him and the kids)! Anyway, on to the totals...

Daily Totals: 1245 calories, 45% carbs (141g), 29% fat (41g), 26% protein (82g). No red meat today = a little low on protein. I need to start cooking fish. The only thing I know I like is perch so I guess that's a good place to start. Thursday is grocery shopping day so I hope to add a little more variety next week. Baby steps...

Day 4: Labels

This starting the new *diet* on the first thing is really helping me keep track of which day I'm on; 4th of January = day 4. I like simple. I'm in trouble come February...

I came across the perfect example of why I am doing this dietary overhaul in my pantry this morning and so, I took pictures for you! You're welcome.

This is the oatmeal that we have always eaten in this house (flavors may vary):

This is the oatmeal that I also have in the house, but only use for cooking (holds my meatloaf together wonderfully):

This is the label for the one we eat as a meal:

This is the label for the one I cook with:

Guess which oatmeal I decided to use for breakfast this morning? Yep, the oatmeal with ONE ingredient. Maybe my new rule of thumb should be, "If you can't pronounce it, you shouldn't be eating it!" And it didn't take any longer to cook (microwave) the healthier option which I, for some reason, thought would be the case.

January 3, 2011

Day Three

I nailed my protein intake today! Just check out my totals at the end of this post...

Breakfast: all natural yogurt, banana chips, hard boiled egg, tea & honey

Lunch: black beans, boneless/skinless chicken breast, white corn/black bean salsa

Dinner: grilled round steak, natural seasoning, sweet potato w/ butter

Daily Totals: 1220 calories, 42% carbs (131g), 28% fat (40g), 30% protein (94g). Eating a little red meat (5.5 oz) really went a long way as far as reaching my protein goal was concerned. I didn't make it to the gym today, but Husband and I spent 6 hours (SIX HOURS!) taking down Christmas decorations. At least I got my fair amount of bending, squatting, lifting, and pulling getting all of that stuff down, sorted and put away. Hopefully tomorrow the treadmill and I will once again meet each others acquaintance.

January 2, 2011

Day Two

Still feeling good today. The decrease in sodium has me peeing every fifteen minutes, though! I couldn't finish the lunch I prepared for myself and I have had no desire to snack between meals. I might just be on to something here...

Breakfast: 2 hard-boiled eggs, all natural yogurt w/ dried cranberries

Lunch: half a sweet potato w/ butter, steamed broccoli, black beans

Dinner: boneless/skinless chicken breast, green pepper & mushroom spaghetti sauce, whole wheat pasta w/ butter

Daily totals: 1285 calories, 47% carbs (153g), 28% fat (40g), 25% protein (81g). I'm still working on my protein intake, but I'm getting better. Again, its all about discovering what foods are naturally a good source. Black beans were the answer today.

I'm supposed to hit the gym tomorrow (and maybe I'm just making excuses here), but I also need to get the Christmas stuff down. I don't know if I will have time (energy) for both. I'll let you know if I get over myself and go tomorrow... wish me luck!