September 29, 2010

Why am I such an Angry Person? *Exhibit A*


This is going to be long even in shortened version. It started Friday when MIL filled me in that BIL's girlfriend had joined FIL, BIL, and Husband for dinner the previous Sunday before they went to the Colts game. I did not know this. MIL did not know that I did not know this. She could see on my face that this was the first I was hearing of it and that Husband had conveniently not filled me in that their was a party crasher during the *guys* outing.

MIL is not one to try and make a situation better. In fact, she does the exact opposite. So what did she do in this situation? She planted a dark and evil thought and left it to fester in my suspicious little brain by asking just one question, "Are you sure it is just Husband and BIL going to Vegas next week?"

It took about one hour before I was on the phone tearing Husband a new one for not telling me about Girlfriend joining them for dinner and accusing him of planning indecent rendezvous for the Vegas trip. He told me he would check for sure with his brother but, as far as he knew, it was just the two of them. So he made a phone call, left a voicemail, and we waited, and waited. Red flag, my friends. BIL always returns a call or email promptly. I knew something was up.


These are the emails that took place two days later (minus all of the wonderfully hysterical commentary from Husband that kept me from truly losing my mind):

BIL to Husband:
I wanted to let you know discreetly that Girlfriend and her friend are going to Las Vegas the same time as you and I. I had already told Girlfriend that she could go before talking to you, I then told her she couldn't go which resulted in a big fight. They are flying on a different flight than us out and back and they are staying at a different hotel. You may never see them or they might gamble with us a little bit, I am not sure. Honestly, I thought I was going to be broken up with her before the trip and it almost happened yesterday, probably when we get back. Anyway I don't want it to create any problems for you.

Husband to Me:
This is a mess. I really do not know what to say. I had no idea, and this is not what I had in mind when planning a trip to Las Vegas. I just want to gamble all night/day alone while being served complimentary drinks.

I guess you are not psycho, but psychic.

So what am I suppose to do?!?

Me to BIL
Husband forwarded your email to me and all I can say is you are off your f*ing rocker if you think that I am going to sit back and let him fly cross country for a weekend in Vegas with you and two women. And I am beyond pissed about your comment about sending the email "discreetly" as it translates into nothing short of "behind your wife's back". All this for a woman you have no intention of staying with. Your brother doesn't get the travel opportunities that you do and he was really looking forward to this, but God forbid you piss off your current f*ck-buddy before you've found her replacement and take the trip without her. Maybe you should have checked with your brother (and his wife) before inviting the b*tch in the first place.

BIL to Me:
I think before you pass judgement upon me you need to understand my situation. Girlfriend, whom I have dated exclusively since May 10th (needless to say f*ck-buddy is not the right term), was mad, like you are now, when she found out I was going to Vegas with my brother. I tried to explain to her that this was a brother trip and all we would do is gamble and see comedy shows, but she didn't believe me. I thought the easiest solution was to fly her and her friend to Vegas on different flights and to have them stay in a different Hotel. That way she could feel like she was there to keep an eye on me but wasn't really traveling with us.

However, after inviting her I discussed this with the nurses at work and they told me it was a bad idea and that I shouldn't let her go. I told Girlfriend this at the end of August and she went a little crazy so I backed down and let her come.

In terms of "discreetly" I was concerned that you would get upset and irrational if you found out that my girlfriend and her friend were going to be in Vegas the same time as us so I chose to use his work e-mail so that he could find the right time and place to share the information with you.

Me to BIL:
Letting him know 48 hours before you are leaving town really doesn't give him a whole lot of opportunity to find the right moment. And it is ridiculous that the peace of mind of your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend is much more important than that of your brother's *wife*.

BIL to Me:
I don't think I had any intention of letting him know that the two of them were going because I had no plans of seeing Girlfriend or her friend while in Vegas except for a booty call. He e-mailed me if Girlfriend was going on Thursday or Friday while I was away for a conference. I returned late last night and I responded to him today.

I am not going to pretend that I understand the issue of my girlfriend and her friend being in Vegas at the same time as us. I do know and acknowledge it is an issue because the married nursing staff at the hospital told me it was as well as both of you. (I understand it is a problem if the 4 of us are going to dinner and shows and clubs together but we won't and aren't.) They are on different flights and staying in a different hotel and doing different activities.

You are welcome to e-mail Girlfriend, however, she is unhappy with you characterizing her as a f*ck buddy and calling her a b*tch without ever meeting her so I think that the two of you talking is probably not a good solution.

Me to BIL:
Do you not get that it is wrong to purposely keep things from him? You must have also coached Girlfriend at dinner Sunday not to let on that she would be there. Ever heard of lies by omission? It also puts Husband in a very bad situation in Vegas when (or *if* in your fantasy world) he realizes they are their and I don't know. And the fact that you don't understand this issue might explain why being in an exclusive relationship for 4 months seems like such a milestone to you.

I have no desire to talk to Girlfriend. I have no clue why you would share my anger-induced, name calling with her in the first place. I really don't understand why "f*ck-buddy" was so offensive, yet you calling her a "booty-call" is some term of endearment. Have you shared the multiple references you have made to the relationship ending as well? Just curious if you were sharing everything spoke against her or just throwing me under the bus...

BIL to Me:
Yes, you are right, it qualifies as a lie of omission but only because we didn't break up like I thought was going to happen. I don't think that 4 months of dating is a milestone, I pointed out that we had dated this long to explain to you why calling her a "f*ck buddy" wasn't appropriate.

Las Vegas is the land of STRIPPERS, PROSTITUTES, CALL GIRLS and DRUNK PARTY GIRLS which is why I don't understand why the presence of these two girls in Vegas is an issue. If a spouse wants to cheat then the bolded options above are easily accessible and much simpler then getting entangled with a brother's girlfriend's friend.

I shared your e-mail with her because I was pissed off at her and wanted her to know the problems and stress that she had caused me by insisting on going to Vegas. I told her 2 months ago when we were discussing this trip that if she went it would be a problem. I told her then that it was a brother only trip and that all we would do is gamble. Just like you the only thing Girlfriend was concerned about was her feelings/insecurities and she insisted on going to Las Vegas or breaking up.

What neither of you ladies understands is that you have both done the same thing and are doing nothing but causing problems. It went from me being between a rock and a hard place with Girlfriend to Husband being between a rock and hard place with you. Girlfriend didn't trust me and insisted on coming to Vegas. You don't trust Husband and now and you won't let him come to Vegas. I tried to do the diplomatic thing and find some middle ground, I offered to send Girlfriend and her friend anywhere but Vegas which wasn't acceptable so then I was forced to let them come to Vegas but on different flights, at different hotels and with limited contact during the trip. So what middle ground, if any, is going to be acceptable to you?

Me to BIL:
I understand perfectly well that both Girlfriend and I have gone off the deep end over this trip. My issue is not one of trust with Husband, but the fact that YOU purposely deceived me (and your brother) to make things easier for yourself. And have continued to blah, blah, blah about why you did it with not even a hint of regret or apology. I don't care why, I care that you lied to me and were willing to put your brother in a position where he might have to lie to me, too, once he figured out that they were there.

I am not going to punish Husband because you're an ass. I am definitely not going to punish him for forwarding your email and filling me in as soon as he knew what was up. As far as I know, he was completely in the dark to the bullsh*t you were planning behind his back. You and I will probably never be right again, but as long as your booty-call is happy, I guess all is well for you.

Part III

Once Husband and BIL realized that I was not going to keep him from Vegas, the email war was over. I think Husband was a little misty eyed when I clarified that I did in fact intend on letting him go. Canceling this trip would be like taking Disney World away from a five year old the night before you're supposed to leave. Just cruel and, from what I can tell, he doesn't deserve it.

Husband left yesterday morning right after the kids got on the bus and I did my best to go about my normal day and not think of Vegas (too much). When I got home from preschool with 3yr-old-boy, I had a package on the front step from ProFlowers. I thought Husband must have sent them since I am so fabulous and let him go on a trip that no wife in her right mind would allow.

Nope. They were from BIL. Peruvian Lilies along with a note of apology and a promise of future honesty. I think this is pretty much his standard you-think-I-f*ed-up-and-I-don't-want-to-deal-with-your-rants-anymore gift, but the flowers are beautiful and they did make me smile. 6yr-old-girl asked why I got flowers and I told her, "Because Uncle BIL lied to me and he sent me flowers to say he is sorry." She looked at me then the flowers and said, "Wow, Mom. I think he's REALLY sorry." LOL

Husband called last night to check-in or whatever. To be honest, I wish he wouldn't call. I'm 99% fine with the trip and him being gone but, when he calls like that, I get paranoid that he is only calling because he is about to do something stupid and he figures I won't call him in the middle of said stupid thing since we just talked. Sigh... only three more days and we can put this whole train-wreck of a trip behind us.

So, to tie all of this together nicely... Why am I an angry person? Because when I do the right thing, no matter how much I may not like doing it, the other persons involved always have to ruin it. I agreed to the Brother's Weekend in Vegas. There are a lot of wives who wouldn't, but I did and this is the mess that I get in return. Had I not said yes months ago, I could have saved myself all of this drama, but then I would have been the over-bearing shrew of a wife. Simply put: I CAN'T WIN. And that pisses me off.

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