November 15, 2010

Social Networking

Anyone who knows anything about me, knows that I am socially retarded, socially awkward, socially stunted. I cannot handle people and the various forms of stupidity that comes along with them. This being said, I will now confess to participating in a a societal norm that I, in all reality, should avoid like the plague... Facebook. Oh, how I love Facebook (for all of the horribly wrong reasons). I gawk and stalk and take in all of the wonderfully unsettling drama. I can be found yelling at my monitor more often than I care to admit as I peruse the posts of others. I will drag anyone within earshot into the lives displayed before me... "Can you believe that she said that?! AGAIN?!?!"

I laugh as I realize that a friend of a friend of a friend has posted a 15 year old picture of herself before her ass tripled in size. Those of us who know her (or her friend's friend), are aware that this is a gross misrepresentation. Who is she trying to fool? Or is she still fishing for compliments based on what she used to look like? "Wow. You were hot. What happened?"

I wonder if that random woman ever realized that traffic to her site quadrupled after the wife of a friend of Husband's went on a tirade about the "inappropriate" content of her profile picture. You know we all had to go look... multiple times.

I am in awe at those people who have achieved level gazillion on Farmville. How many friends do you have feeding your goats and spreading sparkly manure on your crops? I cheated and bought some damn coins so I could expand my farm, well that and buy a Halloween costume for my farmer, but mostly to expand my farm and buy a pink tractor.

But sometimes, Facebook isn't so entertaining. Sometimes, it is down right heartbreaking. These are the times I become angry and start growling at the monitor. Angry at the hypocrisy. Angry at the neglect. Angry at the sense of entitlement that some people have, the nerve to think they deserve anything but a swift kick in the ass. Disgusted at the lies and deceit, knowing full well how certain people are passing their time, and seeing all of the lovely comments left by the unsuspecting.

I think to myself in these dark moments of social networking that perhaps I should call these individuals out. Post on my page, post it on their pages, post for the world to see that these people are FRAUDS. "Nice profile pic. Is it retro week? I missed that thread." *or* "Ummm, I think something is wrong with your profile. It keeps notifying me of a relationship status change...hourly." *or* "Wait, I thought you told me on the phone this morning that you were to hungover to drive your kid to school. Now she's home sick? Wow, you really are having a bad day."

But then common sense washes over me and I realize that I simply cannot rat people out all over Facebook. It would do more damage than good as I would be forced to start watching General Hospital or something equally as horrible since I will no longer have any more Facebook *friends* to supply infinite opportunities to judge, mock, and ridicule as needed. So I continue to lurk laughing, yelling and making Husband an unwilling participant in the insanity... on the other side of the screen.


  1. Lawlz. I love facebook for all the same reasons you stated above. You ever seen it's so sad to see how stupid people are, and yet it's comforting that none of my friends have been posted on it. LOL!

  2. Oh, dear Lord. Now I have more insanity to wade through...

  3. You are cracking me up b/c I do that, too. :) I have different people in my feed of course but several that make me want to comment "how nice for you" or simply "I think I just puked in my mouth" but I, like you, refrain. ;) And sometimes I delete people.